Italian 101: Why Prepositions are Important (AKA please forgive me for my ridiculous statement)

So, about 27 days ago I had to go the Questura which is basically the civic branch of the Italian Police Department. The Questura deals with a tiny little matter know as "immigration". You may be familiar with the Italian immigration system and the necessity of the illusive "Permissio di soggiorno" which in English means, "Permission to Stay". This is all very important paperwork and one really wants to make a good impression at the Questura, as you might imagine. You should probably dress nicely and comb your hair. Remember to be polite.

On the other hand, if you are me, in addition to looking good and sucking up to the police-person behind the bullet-proof glass, you sort-of want to show-off your brilliant Italian skills.

All goes according to plan. I show up. I wait in line. Ten minutes later the policeman is looking at my documents. Everything is in order. He directs me to another room where I will have to go get my fingerprints taken. Got it. Go out the door, take a left, it's in the back of the building. There's even a sign outside that tells me where to go. No problem.

So I arrive at my second stop here at the Questura. I am the only one there! Excellent, no line, no wait. I feel a little sorry for all fifty of those poor people still waiting in line. The gentlemen in this new office is on the phone and directs me to take a seat. He doesn't really seem like a police officer given that
A.) He's dressed in plain clothes.
B) He's dressed worse than me.
C) He's on the phone discussing his cable TV subscription and trying to get a lower rate which he apparently saw advertised somewhere.
D.) While on the phone his really good-looking friend shows up to apparently just hang out.

So, I end up waiting about ten minutes and he hangs up the phone. Another five minutes later he invites me into the office. So, here I am with the random office guy and his hot friend. He takes my documents and starts entering information into his computer, offering his friend a tutorial on how this is done using my personal information as an example.

Occhii: Brown.

Capelli: Brown.

Altezza: How many centimeters are you?
--I don't know the metric system, I am American, sorry.

Tu hai tatuaggi?
--Pardon?

Tatuaggi??? Do you have any tattoos? At this point, he is pointing to his arms and legs, and to his friend who has a couple tattoos on his arm. His friend is pointing to his own tattoos and repeating the word. "Tatuaggi??? Tatuaggi??? Tatuaggi???"
--Si, capisco. Uhhhh, perche?

Per riconoscere una persona.
--Ah. So at this point they need to know if I have any tattoos so that God-forbid something happens to me or I commit a crime, they will have an additional resource to know who I am.
--Si, io ho un tatuaggio.

Dov'é?
--Nello mio culo. This is it people! This is the phrase that counts! Not only have a just used a slightly vulgar term for my butt - "culo" where I probably should have said "my backside" but I have also just used the wrong preposition.

Mi scusi? Dov'é?
--And I repeat it, like a fool! 

Propio dentro?
--Ahhh, no. No, I do not have a tattoo "in" my butt. I have one "on" it.

Sopra? Che cos'é?
-- No, not above my butt, on it. And no, I am not going to tell you what it is! Does this guy really think I am going to show him my butt tattoo?

And so here we are. We have just shifted away from any real need to even enter this information into the computer anymore and now we are talking about the tattoo that I may or may not have "in" or "on" my butt. This is my own fault. I mean how hard is it to remember the difference between "on" and ''in"???

So, I combed my hair, I dressed nicely, I was polite to a point, and then I tried to show off, or rather, I just tried to speak basic Italian. I have not yet received my Permisso di Soggiorno. Should this be my last blog, it's because I got deported.

Post Script: A fellow American I know recently went to the Questura to ask for the Perimisso. She followed the same steps that I did. The guy at the back office took her documents and said, "Americana? Do you know her? She's American too!" And then he showed her a photo of me. Way to go, Julia! Hai fatto una bella figura!

Tuscan Travels

One might think that blogging is easy to do.... I object! There are just so many things to say and so little time when one is busy wanderlusting through the Tuscan countryside. Life is just so hard these days! Don't hate me, but here are some photos from my recent travels around Italy.

Pistoia & Livorno by moto with my friend Riccardo.

Riccardo lives in Pistoia and I met him in Los Angeles about a year ago when he was working in LA. He still travels to LA frequently for work, but fortunately for me he's a native Italian and knows his way around Tuscany and took me to the sea...

 

Some pics as we walked through Pistoia. I really liked it here, it was like Rome on a much smaller scale and sans all the ancient Roman stuff. It had lots of piazzas connected by little alleyways with cafe tables spilling into the walkway. Don't ask me what's up with the statue of the three men, I forget and I am okay with that. Oh, and I skipped the churches here... I mean how many churches does a person see in Italy? I think I am finished with the church scene. Sorry mom.


Moving on to Livorno, also known as "the Santa Monica of Tuscany" so says Riccardo. Judging by these homes, I think that would be an accurate assessment. The motorcycle ride to Livorno through Tuscany was probably one of the best experiences (outside of visiting with family) that I have had to date in Italy. It was easily the most beautiful day ever. The only thing better than the ride, was the homemade lasagna Riccardo's mom made for lunch which was ready and waiting when we arrived at his parent's home in Livorno.

At this point, I would like to share two critical life decisions made while in Livorno: I am going to buy a cool Vespa the minute I get back to LA, and like this couple above, I plan on shamelessly make out in public from now on. I love Italy.

Where else have I been?  Well, I was also in Siena and the Chianti region two weekends ago, drinking wine and relaxing in the countryside. Additionally, I ate some wild boar for the first time which was amazing. I am salivating just thinking about it. Here are some pictures of Siena:

Il Campo and flags from the winning team of Il Palio, a horse race held every year in the Campo. Each horse represents one of the 17 neighborhoods (contrade) of Siena.

 So, here's the cool random note on Siena. The relic of the Sacred Head of Saint Catherine of Siena (patron saint of the city) has been preserved in the Basilica since 1383. It's a bit shrivled and grey, but it's totally a head.... see, I did make it into another church!Can you see it?

Also while in Siena, I met this guy who I am convinced looks exactly like cousin Frank Costa -- is it just me or does anyone out there agree??? 

 Speaking of the Costas.... here's a shout out to everyone of you... lots of representing in Siena!

So, where does everyone think I should go next?